Credit Crunch and Chronophage

The credit crunch, the chronophage
Oh what is going on?

The clock is losing time
The crunch is losing money
The clock will make it up again
The other isn't funny
The credit that is crunching
and the clock that eats up time
are both from our society
and each is out of line

The credit crunch, the chronophage
Oh what is going on?

The clock is gaining time
The crunch still loses money
The clock is now a work of art
The other isn't funny
The clock that thrills the people
and the crunch that causes pain
are both from our society
and neither are mundane

The credit crunch, the chronophage
Oh what is going on?

The clock is working fine
The hedge funds drain like honey
The clock we've taken to our hearts
The other stays all runny
The crunch that kills the people
and the clock that is sublime
are both from our society
and both are of their time

Mr Chronophage

Whoaagh.............. Now this is something to write home about: a clock that eats time. It's this new clock in Cambridge which has a big grasshoppery thing tramping around the edge, apparently eating time. Lisbeth says that the word 'Cronophage' comes from Greek and actually means 'time eater' (chronos = time and phageo - eat, or phagein - to eat.)

It's a particularly weird sort of a clock because it isn't right most of the time. In fact, it only manages to be correct once every five minutes. (So you can't set you watch by it!) However, the maker says he has done it this way - with the pendulum slowing from time to time, and then speeding up - to show that time is subjective and appears to go either faster or slower, depending on what you're up to. In both cases, the maker believes that time is 'not on our side' and so wanted to show the chronophage relentlessly eating it up.

I know that when I'm on the veranda and feeling bored, time seems to go really slowly. Then when we have an interesting visitor, and they sit out here and talk with Lisbeth, time seems to fly by. I suppose, if I'm honest, I have no real sense of time at all. I'm not even aware of its passing. As to it being munched....................

Anyway, back to the clock. When the hour is reached, this crunching, munching clock doesn't even chime. It does have a mechanism, though, which does make a noise. It is a chain being dragged over a wooden coffin! Eewe!

So on that spooky note, I will leave you with the munching jaws of Mr Chronphage.

Saute mouton

Thank you, Mr Idle Writer, for pointing out that 'leapfrog', in French, is saute mouton.
Why would they go and call it 'Leap sheep'. Why isn't it saute grenouille?

While you give this curious fact your full consideration, please listen to ce Saute-Mouton-ci or watch ce Saute-Mouton-la (avec accent)

I wrote to the (Hadron) Collider

I wrote to The Collider
Asking them to stop
For fear we all would disappear
and implode with a plop

Before they could write back, here,
countering this plea
They found a problem, magnet-wise,
which filled my heart with glee

So now we have a time-out
for cooling and repair
With extra days for doing things
So don't live un-aware

Be sure you are enjoying
every single day
For this is all the now we have
(To quote an old cliche)

Rest easy with your lifestyle
Happy, you are you
And live, and love, a happy life
What else is there to do?

Chateau Brad Pitt

Continuing Lisbeth's visits for Patrimoine weekend, we have Chateau de Forge. This is a fairytale medieval chateau with turrets, an enclosed courtyard, a chapel and other buildings etc. (No photos, I'm afraid, as Madame forgot to take her camera!) There was a group of singers performing medieval music, and an opportunity to speak to an ebonist and a stone carver who use old fashioned techniques and tools in their work.

Both the stone carver and the ebonist, were French but worked in California. They explained that there is more money to be had over there and that people are more than happy to pay premium prices for hand-made craftsman pieces. The ebonist, for example, has been commissioned by one of his clients to make a copy of the map table in the Chateau de Versaille. This table is very beautiful with different veneers, marquetry, and has silver inlay.

Lisbeth went on to describe a photo that she saw in one of Mr Ebonist's display books. He was pictured standing on a ladder, sticking sheets of gold leaf onto a wall. When asked more about it, he said he was doing it for Brad Pitt: in his kitchen!!

L'Adoration des Mages sans cigarette

It was Patrimoine weekend in France this weekend, when all the chateaus and monuments open their doors for people to visit. There are spectacles and concerts and lots of things to see (most of which are free).

On Saturday afternoon, Lisbeth went to a lecture in one of the churches in her local town. It was to explain how this huge painting by Eugene Appert (1814-1867), that hangs in the church, was being restored, and to talk about the skills and techniques involved in the restoration of old paintings in general.

One of the things that Lisbeth told me about was the cigarette! Lisbeth has had this house for five years. For all of that time, the black Maggi on the left of the painting had seemed to have a half-smoked cigarette in his mouth. Lisbeth said it always looked so bizarre and out of place, but it was exactly on his lip and hung down as a real cigarette would. During the lecture, one of the restorers explained that the 'cigarette' was, in fact, pigeon shit which, she was pleased to inform everyone, had finally been cleaned away. 

The painting continues to be patched, cleaned and retouched to its former glory.

Black Hole 101

If this Hadron Cullender, or Head-on Collider thingy really can produce black holes, (when it's working again, that is) then I have something that I can't wait to vote into 'Black Hole 101' straight away.

According to Impact Lab's August 29th, 2008 article, Julia Lohmann, a UK artist has "mastered the art of transforming a sheep’s stomach into a lamp shade".

Mastered the art! MASTERED THE ART!

She seems to think that, because you can use the wool for knitting and eat all the meat, that it's OK (if you can 'master the art', of course,) to turn the stomach into a lampshade.

It takes a while to do, apparently, because you have to clean it before you give it a rounded shape by stretching it over a balloon (a balloon!) and letting it dry. Et Voila! And again.

Ye Gods...........

Wheltering Whim-whams

Thank you, Mr A Geyser, for this lovely phrase gleaned from your Sunday 7th comment.

A whim-wham, I've discovered, is a whimsical object. I like whimsical objects. According to Worldwide Words you can use 'whim-wham' when you don't really want to answer a question (that a child might ask, for example) or to create a whimsical idea: "a whim-wham for ducks to perch on, a whim-wham for a treacle mill, and a whim-wham to wind the sun up."

I am certainly somewhat whimsical, myself: a sheep having talking practice. I don't really welter in anything, though, (other than fears of disappearing down a black hole). As I've already set out my case for being eponymous, I like the idea of my being an eponymous whim-wham.

If I were in a more light-hearted mood, I might think that the Hadron Collider could sound a bit whimsical: creating black holes that might suck up the earth. We could then call it a 'whim-wham to swallow the earth'?

Ask Hubble

One of my favourite readers, Mr Andy B, has suggested that we might all be inside one of the Head-on Collider's black holes, and just not know it. That has made me think, so I have been doing some research.

According to the first piece of information I've gleaned from the Hubble site, you wouldn't know. They have a nice interactive graphic showing what happens to a clock when it falls into a black hole: The time slows down and it (the clock) turns red. It goes on to say that "...if we were falling with the clock, time would appear to behave perfectly normally. We would see no slowdown as we approached the event horizon. We would cross the horizon without any perceptible change, and our color would not appear to change. This is the principle of relativity: things can appear different depending on whether you are moving or standing still."

Now then. That all seems to be very satisfactory with nothing to worry about. NOT TRUE. We're being distracted by the flipping clock. In another interactive experiment, you can actually see what it's like to fall into a black hole yourself. And guess what. It goes badly for you. (There's a surprise!) To start with, as you enter, your body begins to stretch until it stretches apart. Ouch! Then "...in the last moments of your journey, your body [is] compressed into the central singularity of the black hole, a single point of infinite density".

So that's my mind made up, thank you Mr Interactive Hubble. Despite the nice sound-effects, I'll take my cue from the principle of relativity and NOT travel with the clock.

The Particle Zoo

I really don't think that Lisbeth is taking all this black hole stuff seriously enough. Our days might be numbered yet her casual approach to the possible ending of the world leaves much to be desired. Then there's the Higgs Boson. What if that appears?

Lisbeth says it already has. I began to shake. This could be serious. But when I looked at her for reassurance, she was laughing pretty much helplessly. She says she'll get me a Higgs Boson if I like. What is she on? If I didn't fancy a Higgs Boson, she suggested a Dark Matter or, perhaps, a 'Theoreticals 4-Pack'.

When she finally explained, I was speechless. I just don't know what the world is coming to. How can you take something as serious as what's happening at Cern and turn it into a circus. I leave my readers to form their own opinion by visiting The Particle Zoo and the SHOP tab!

Overheard in village shop. Big Bang Wednesday

Shop Assistant (serving a man): Have you heard the news?

Man (buying biscuits) : No

Shop Assistant: When they turn on the Geneva Convention, today, we might all disappear into a black hole ...

Am I an Eponym of Note?

Am I an eponym of note?
Am I not Monsieur Mouton?
With brilliant phrases you can quote
(while drinking wine from Fronton?)

Eponymous, Hieronymus
They start to blur and muddle
Although I am acuminous
things sometimes start to fuddle

But on the whole this Mouton Me
is doing very nicely
An eponymic guarantee
of words used quite concisely.

Hadron Cullender

Well, I'm here and haven't been sucked into a black hole. Can I presume because this interwebs thingy is still working, that you are all OK too? All this Hadron Cullender stuff has seriously made me think, though: you know, about life, the universe and everything. So it's back to posting regularly, if I can manage it. Or until the twelfth of never.................. and that's a long, long time.

Last Post?

I thought I had better say a tentative farewell to you all, in case I disappear down one of the black holes that might be created tomorrow in the Large Hadron Collider when scientists do their Big Bang experiment.

It seems that they have built a big tunnel on the France/Switzerland border. (That's near me, so I will be near the eye of the storm, so to speak.) Anyway.... into this tunnel, they are going to release a lot of protons. These protons will run around like headless chickens, banging into each other. (Sounds a bit like an under fives' birthday party.) The idea is exactly that: they will bang into each other (not have a party) again, and again, and again, creating "particle interactions". They'll certainly be interacting, even I can work that out.

Now we come to it: the Quatermass moment. Some scientists have expressed a concern that these interactions may create black holes which might suck up the earth!!!!!!!!!!!! That can't be right. Can it? (All that talking practice gone to waste!)

However, I'm pinning my hopes on the other scientists having it right. Their view is that any black holes would only be small ones; that they would probably be unstable, and just spin out (they don't say where) and disappear. (I was under the impression that holes were holes - you know - round gaps with nothing in them? So how a hole can disappear..............?) Still, black holes spinning out (wherever) is better than them 'sucking up the earth'.

Just in case, then, I will say a big thank you to all my regular readers, and send everyone my very best wishes for Big Bang Wednesday. Au revoir (I hope) mes amis.

Eponymous Bosch?

When Lisbeth was chatting on line, the other day, one of her friends used the word 'eponymous'. At first, I thought they were talking about Eponymous Bosch, the artist, but Lisbeth says I've got that completely round my ear and that I shouldn't just set off on posts when I don't know what I'm talking about. (So who's rattled her cage, today!)

So I looked it up. Apparently, the word eponymous comes from eponym and an eponym is the word used to describe a word that is derived from the name of a person or tribe. (I hope you're following this?) Anyway, you have things like Alexandria, from Alexander the Great (He created the place, or something), and Constantine and Constantinople.

I deduced, therefore, that I must be in an eponymous relationship with Mouton Cadet. "Since 1930, Mouton Cadet has been renowned for its exacting standards and audacity." That's me. "The fruit of generous Nature and the work of human hands..." That's me, too.

Now, before the supposed intelligentsia amongst you get on your high horses about the impossibility of this assertion, I would like to point out that things aren't always as clear cut or indisputable as one might think. A case in point is this spell-check. (Invaluable for a sheep of burgeoning brain.) This particular spell-check facility has it, in it's head, that the word 'eponym' isn't eponym at all, but some other word, misspelled. As such, it offers the following corrective options: Epsom, economy, upon, and euphonium................

Am I thinking 'ears', 'completely' and 'round' in the same sentence? Indeed I am. In fact, it's probably all a load of old bosch. (Ooo spell-check, spell-check!)

Bird: not on a wire

While we're on the subject of our feathered friends, I thought you might like to see this photo. It's a Kookaburra, sitting on the arm (not a wire) of Lisbeth's friend who's currently on holiday in Australia.

Honolulu Zoo writes "The Australian aborigines have a legend about the Kookaburra. When the sun rose for the first time, the god Bayame ordered the kookaburra to utter its loud, almost human laughter in order to wake up mankind so that they should not miss the wonderful sunrise. The aborigines also believed that any child who insulted a kookaburra would grow an extra slanting tooth."

Boswell's Daily Honk: A Blog of Note

Today is a day for celebration. Lisbeth has been in touch with her friend in the USA and discovered that my friend Boswell, the goose, finally has his own blog!

You may remember that I have been writing to, and writing about, Boswell for many months, now. It began back in May 2007 when I wrote my Meet Boswell, post. (And what a cutie he was, all fluff and a bit wobbly.) I followed up with a poem about his life with the IBM Music Programmers, entitled The Goose Engine. (This title relates to a site created by the IBM people for the music of Philip Glass, called The Glass Engine. It's fab.)

Then in June 2007, came the terrible news that Boswell had to go into hospital. He was very ill and we were all very worried. To encourage him, I wrote a Fight for your Life poem. (I will also admit to having prepared a short obituary poem - you know, just in case. - but fortunately it was not needed.) When he finally recovered and returned home, I was so overjoyed, I sent him a Welcome Home poem. (Hey, Boswell, you've certainly been an inspiration on the poetic front!)

In November, we received a photo of Boswell, all grown up, and then the news that he had a sister Woglinde to keep him company. Now, September 2008, is a Big Red Blog Letter Day , for me, because Boswell has his very own blog. Please go and say hello and catch up with his Daily Honk

Homophonic Slip?

It's been pointed out (by a kind reader) that I made a spelling mistake in my last post. Although I will admit to it, I must remind my readers that I am a sheep, so errors of spelling and/or grammar are to be expected, from time to time. Indeed, that's why this blog is called Talking Practice: I'm learning to speak human.

However, what I'm discovering is that humans have little tricks up your sleeve for unsuspecting sheep. Talking isn't the same as writing and, to me, Beatles and Beetles sound the same. So to boost my moral, I have chosen to reframe this 'spelling mistake' and think of it more as a 'homophonic slip'. Words are called 'homophones' if they sound the same when you say them, but have different meanings or derivation or different spellings. Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives the example: to, too and two. There's also bear and bare and my humble example: Beetles and Beatles.

I feel better about it now. I've also learned a new word and I like it very much. (N.B. Lisbeth says I'm to be careful about the spelling of homophonic.)

Back in the saddle

What a strange phrase that is: getting 'back in the saddle'. I like these short phrase. This one implies that you have already been in the saddle. Well, you would have had to have been to be talking about getting back in. I suppose I could get back into the posting-every-day saddle.

The Beatles, on the other hand, suggest that you could/should Get back to where you once belonged. Of course, the Beatles don't mention anything about saddles. The lyrics are just about a character called Jojo and then another character called Loretta, and that they should 'get back to where they both belonged'. Not belong, note, but belonged, implying that each had already experience 'belonging' somewhere.

This Loretta person, according to the Beatles, "...thought she was a woman but she was another man". Hmm........ a bit confusing, that. How would you not know this sort of thing? But it is only a song after all, and there probably isn't an actual Loretta or Jojo, anyway, so it's probably not as complicated as I first thought.

I can't help but wonder, though........ What would happen if Loretta were to get back in the saddle? Would she feel more like a woman or a man?

Life: we can but ponder. Ponder and post.

Mentioned in Dispatches

I know, I know. Only a dribble of posts for months and then two on the same day. What is going on! Well, I am feeling inspired, and as there are no rules or health and safety issues, here, I can post whenever............

Lisbeth was out last night with friends. It would seem from the lateness of her return and the lateness of her rising, this morning, that a good time was had by all. I gather, also, that I was one of the many subjects of conversation. I know, me! A sheep of surprisingly large intelligence. (Remember the post about research into ovine intelligence?)

I know Lisbeth is often reluctant to discuss this Talking Practice blog with other people, feeling a little embarrassed about me. Well she shouldn't. I am an experienced sheep, an experienced blogger and, being already connected to you all in a stardust kind of a way, I am happy to be connecting to you through blogging. And you must admit that it is a bit more tangible than stardust.

Mediated Moments?

I haven't been writing much lately for a number of reasons. I won't go into them now, other than to say that one of them is Facebook. Lisbeth does go on that site more than she thinks she does and when she's on there, I can't get down to any serious talking practice.

I am worried about the amount of time you humans spend on line. When you're there, you're not here, in the moment. The moment here, becomes mediated through the moment there in the virtual world.

Are you mediating your moments?